Abandoned

 
When I hear the word abandoned I think of those left out, forgotten, of the times I have felt all alone and it conjures up mental images of the orphaned, the outcast. The word itself seems to fit this dreary day, the grey skies continue to roll in with no notice of the fact that we could use some warmth, some sunshine to brighten our day.
 
The dictionary defines abandoned as "wholly free from restraint" and although this word seems to wear gloom like a thick heavy coat I have found quite the opposite when it comes to my walk with the Lord. At the fresh age of sixteen I acknowledged that my life was Gods, (after all isn't it His if we ever surrender to it or not?) but I took the title of my life that He had freely given me out of love and signed it over to Him. I recognized that although I had my dreams, my hopes and my desires that I could not even begin to swim in the deep end of all that He wanted to do in me and with me. He was and is the great Maker and He knew me better than I could ever know myself.
 
As I sit here today and reflect on the places I have been, the wild stories I have, and the faithfulness of God I am so thankful. In a million tiny ways I forget daily that He has me exactly where I need to be. My heart longs to have my passport stamped, to travel on dusty roads in the back of a truck to a remote village and play with kids that can't speak to me, but who will readily offer a smile to me when I pull a goofy face, to eat something I'm not familar with and to sleep on the ground. My heart also longs to be a wife and a mother one day, teaching my children the ways of God and adventuring with my husband, appluading, supporting him and seeking God with him.
 
 
Yet still at the end of the day, my life is not my own. I am sure that I could make a overseas trip happen (or..could I?) or I could go find the next plane out to africa but alas that is not my decision to make. My life has been bought with a price and I have laid it down for the best thing that it could be spent on, bringing Him glory. If I were to run off to another country yet God is calling me to Gainesville, Ga and to a little homegrown restaurant I would be missing it altogether. Sure I can do good things but I am not ultimately after that, I want to be about my Fathers business. I know that wherever and whatever He calls me to, I will be fulfilled because it's in His pleasure that I find my joy. If I never set foot in another country, or if I am a single, sassy eighty year old woman, I will be  blessed.

On the other side of the lonely definition of this word comes the most joy and the most freedom one can experience on this side of heaven. Abandoning ones life becomes rich with peace, laying ones life down becomes the ultimate goal, to decrease so He can increase becomes the pursuit. One turns around to find that in giving you recieve, in losing you acutally find! The beauty of knowing that God is my good Father and ultimately knows whats best for me and lavishly loves me allows me to climb off the hampster wheel of worry and anxiety and rest. I find joy and peace and am thankful for my porch, a beautiful coffee cup, the sweet sound of friends laughter, the food on my table. Because I have abandoned my life to the great Life-Giver I am wholly free from the restraint of the rat race of the worlds eyes of success, from the pressure of figuring out what to do with my life, and the stress of trying to assert who I am in this world.
 
I would have it no other way.

Comments

Melissa said…
Love! We should all experience the thrill of being abandoned!
January 4, 2014 at 1:31 AM
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