For Heavens Sake.....
I have never thought too much about heaven. Growing up in the bible belt, you hear a lot about the gospel being a ticket to heaven, a safety net to catch you, a life jacket out of a sinking ship or a plummeting plane. And yes, please do not get me wrong, it is that.
But, it is so so much more than that. The benefits of knowing God, of giving your life to Him are not just so that you don't spend the rest of eternity in a place of darkness. The benefits are today, they are the guidance I get from the Holy Spirit. They are the tiny nudges when I am short with a family member, or the cashier at the store, to apologize or to keep short accounts. Yes those set me straight with the person, but they also set me straight with the Lord and with myself. They really benefit me in the long run. They are the whispers of hope and peace. It is the steady comfort of knowing that He knows my way, that "He makes me lie down in green pastures". It is the solid evidence that someone that met me at the tart age of sixteen and met me again today would never believe that I was the same person. I was a withdrawn, shut down, broken, fearful young girl that the Lord bent down and picked up and began to put back together His way. Not the worlds way or even my own way, but to His delight. And the truth is, I would have it no other way. The adventure has taken me across the world and back. I have had the privilege of doing life with the most amazing people. In winter and summer, both physically and emotionally, the Lord has shown Himself faithful and strong. I have truly had moments in my life, where I have echoed Simon Peter: "where else would i go?". Times where I have wanted to go, thought about striking out on my own, somehow thinking that I would know a better way to do my life than Him but deep down, where it counts, I know that "He alone has the words of life." That is what holds me fast, holds me up, and presses me on.
Recently though, things have begun to shift, I have had thoughts that I have never had before though. I suppose that is bound to happen with new seasons and new territory in my life being covered but it has not ceased to surprise me a little. In the few years I have walked this planet, I have had brief periods (usually during painful times in my life) where I have longed for heaven. I have had short laments of just wanting to be with Jesus. This time though, the lament has been a strong undertow, often when I am going about my day, a random thought will tap me on the shoulder and I will turn around to find this new presence in my life. One of wanting His kingdom, His way, His rule all the way across the board. I know that in the end He has the final say, the last word, but I want Him to have it now. My all or nothing attitude has been seeping into this area too though, I just want Him to go ahead and have it all, just take it, all the pain, the heartache, the suffering, the poverty, the wars, the earthquakes, take it and with the freshness and hope of a newborn, take it and do only what You can do. Bring forth life and beauty out of dirt. You made us out of dirt and gave us life.
Yet, the ache inside of me is not heeded. I am not God and I am not His Lord. He is mine. But in some beautiful, awe-inspiring way I am confronted with the fact that He can fold it all up and replace it with something new, on this side of heaven. If I let Him every day, He can have the last word on everything in me. If I can heed those tiny nudges, not make room in my life for Him, but give Him my life. If I can say yes to Him in the tiny things and in the big, monumental things of life, He can have His way here. No, I am not in a place with no more tears and no more pain, but if I can continually lay my life down before Him, His kingdom can come and His will can be done, in my life as it is in heaven.
But, it is so so much more than that. The benefits of knowing God, of giving your life to Him are not just so that you don't spend the rest of eternity in a place of darkness. The benefits are today, they are the guidance I get from the Holy Spirit. They are the tiny nudges when I am short with a family member, or the cashier at the store, to apologize or to keep short accounts. Yes those set me straight with the person, but they also set me straight with the Lord and with myself. They really benefit me in the long run. They are the whispers of hope and peace. It is the steady comfort of knowing that He knows my way, that "He makes me lie down in green pastures". It is the solid evidence that someone that met me at the tart age of sixteen and met me again today would never believe that I was the same person. I was a withdrawn, shut down, broken, fearful young girl that the Lord bent down and picked up and began to put back together His way. Not the worlds way or even my own way, but to His delight. And the truth is, I would have it no other way. The adventure has taken me across the world and back. I have had the privilege of doing life with the most amazing people. In winter and summer, both physically and emotionally, the Lord has shown Himself faithful and strong. I have truly had moments in my life, where I have echoed Simon Peter: "where else would i go?". Times where I have wanted to go, thought about striking out on my own, somehow thinking that I would know a better way to do my life than Him but deep down, where it counts, I know that "He alone has the words of life." That is what holds me fast, holds me up, and presses me on.
Recently though, things have begun to shift, I have had thoughts that I have never had before though. I suppose that is bound to happen with new seasons and new territory in my life being covered but it has not ceased to surprise me a little. In the few years I have walked this planet, I have had brief periods (usually during painful times in my life) where I have longed for heaven. I have had short laments of just wanting to be with Jesus. This time though, the lament has been a strong undertow, often when I am going about my day, a random thought will tap me on the shoulder and I will turn around to find this new presence in my life. One of wanting His kingdom, His way, His rule all the way across the board. I know that in the end He has the final say, the last word, but I want Him to have it now. My all or nothing attitude has been seeping into this area too though, I just want Him to go ahead and have it all, just take it, all the pain, the heartache, the suffering, the poverty, the wars, the earthquakes, take it and with the freshness and hope of a newborn, take it and do only what You can do. Bring forth life and beauty out of dirt. You made us out of dirt and gave us life.
Yet, the ache inside of me is not heeded. I am not God and I am not His Lord. He is mine. But in some beautiful, awe-inspiring way I am confronted with the fact that He can fold it all up and replace it with something new, on this side of heaven. If I let Him every day, He can have the last word on everything in me. If I can heed those tiny nudges, not make room in my life for Him, but give Him my life. If I can say yes to Him in the tiny things and in the big, monumental things of life, He can have His way here. No, I am not in a place with no more tears and no more pain, but if I can continually lay my life down before Him, His kingdom can come and His will can be done, in my life as it is in heaven.
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